The Grace I’ve been Given for my AA “birthday”

The Grace I’ve been Given for my AA “birthday”
By Shiela Reed
The grace I’ve been given started with a choice I made. Each and every time it’s been about me relinquishing my pride just enough to allow for a change that has healed me a little more than the day before.
Sometimes these have been very obvious pivotal moments that created a very different path. Other times it’s been very subtle.
During times of deep reflection and contemplation I become very aware of the blessing of Grace and am reminded that I am to be grateful for these opportunities to grow, even when they have tested me to what I think are my limits and I wonder why…This is my truth from when I turned to AA 14 years ago. As one of the pivotal BIG moments that changed the trajectory of my life. That choice was a stepping stone to multiple others and the things I’ve been open to learn about myself simply wouldn’t have been able to take hold without that one decision.
There’s no doubt I was a “hot mess”. Even if most people didn’t even see it that way. It wasn’t as “obvious” on the outside. There were binges enough but not exactly what many people would “add up” to being “a problem”. Sure, later, it may have made sense as an “oh yeah, I could see that” – but a small few really could see…

I was broken inside – but not unmendable. My “link” to my soul self had big gaps and while I saw and knew it was there, the distance between that and what my mind was seeing as “reality” – felt like the Grand Cannon. So I suffered silently and alone. Bouncing back and forth across this “canyon”. Touching base with my true self quietly yet not being able to fully connect it with a “true” living life. This kept me “unwell” and separate. Separate from Source and struggling to have a true connection with myself and others. When I was able to admit the damage and totality of what was being affected INSIDE ME… THAT was when it changed.I barely remember or recognize that life anymore. I think fondly of the times and “fun” and less of the pain since working through all that years ago, but I stay forever aware of the underlying components that create room for backsliding and relapses – of spirit and intention- that could negatively affect my inner integrity and ultimately have the potential to lead me to detrimental choices and behaviors.

My journey of self reflection and personal growth is a real matter of true “life or death” for me. No it isn’t always perfect, nor will it ever be. I have as many rough days as great ones, but I try my best to be thankful for them all.

While I find some interest and satisfaction and even elements of importance in reflection… I know it cannot become stuck lamenting over “should haves” or “could haves”. Each day is new and I have something new to learn. I am no longer that person, yet that person is very much a part of me. Just as our childhoods or pasts are no longer “us” and doesn’t need to “define”/confine us.. they are still very much a PART of us.I may run back into people from my past, I am sure I remember things “differently”.. it is interesting to reflect- but know that I am a new person with new things about me to get to know. That’s the relationship I have with myself today because I’ve been blessed to have it… one choice at a time.

It truly is a “one day at a time” focus that helps maintain neutrality and keeps us from getting stuck in the past or becoming too afraid of the future.

Today I am even more aware of the importance of not going back into the darkness of silence. I do not need to boast or brag or have an egotistical type of pride. (One that is based on thinking it is ALL my doing.) I know this is not the full truth. YES, it is MY choice, and for that I AM proud. Yet I realize to have the opportunity, to be open, and be shown those windows to my soul, is a divine blessing from somewhere greater than me.

For this sharing and oneness of sacred space, I am forever humbled and grateful as my soul/true self connects with my creator and the Divine.

Thank you for another year, another moment in time…

Much love and blessings and thanks for sharing this special time with me. ❤

Shiela

February Message of the Month: Decisions and True Connection – The Effect on Communication and Contribution

February Message of the Month:
Decisions and True Connection – The Effect on Communication and Contribution

by Shiela Reed


The energies of this month have already proven to be interesting. Things “feel different”. No matter if you are an “awakened” person, “awakening”, still “asleep” – it really doesn’t matter – it just feels like things have “changed”.

While most of us use “labels” to try and define or explain something from our perspective (from where we are right now) – it seems the communication gap is as wide as ever! We are ALL finding ourselves in differing levels of communication struggles and it is very connected to the recent large change associated with the universal energy shifting that has been taking place for years.

There is much talk “out there” about this “concept”/phenomenon/ “reality ” and more and more people are finding their way to information about it. My energy always feels compelled to remind folks of the importance of having that strong inner connection to your own heart, to navigate any and all information- ESPECIALLY in the times we are moving into. But there are many past blogs about that, and this month I am led to share some thoughts that I hope will spark something within you to dig a little deeper.

With the constant barrage of information and opinions flying around today, especially in areas such as social media and media in general, people seem to not be fully assessing for the “accuracy” and truth in information before jumping onto a “bandwagon”. I have caught myself doing this as well and it is impossible to stop ourselves from doing it if we do not SLOW DOWN and give something more thought and from a deeper perspective than our own “opinion” based programming. There is one majorly important thing to remember at these moments and that is that there is for sure more than just this one perspective/opinion and as soon as a person clamps down on a need to be “right” and start “convincing” others about it, true open communication is doomed. These are the triggers for the ego to have a hay-day with us all and keep us separated. And media, advertising, etc. – all know this…

So why is it that we continue to make decisions based on exterior information? Are we truly assessing from a deeper level? Seeing the multiple possibilities… or are we or do we get “stuck” in/on certain “road blocks”/”blind spots”? How, for example is it that we can say we don’t like someone but yet we can’t really give good reasons why? What is our assessment based on? Have we even looked at it from a heart based truth or is it there based on an ego illusion of “trying to protect us” from some unknown force or thing that may not even be true or accurate? What part are we playing in this?

Individual biases are deeper than most people realize. They grow from our own “programming”. Programs that come from family, ancestors, social networks, and society (the collective) as a whole. Sexism, racism, etc. – all these are ways that we are manipulated to be divided. Some we actually choose, some less so…

Regardless, if we don’t connect within our inner spirit and the divine love of and for all …we will continue to be led and manipulated. Those particular “forces” are growing stronger all the time.
Especially if we don’t wake up and start making this connection. There is great fear in change and “letting go” of trying to “control”. When we continue misinterpreting what we can and cannot control, this fear gains a deeper foothold. There is so much information out there and so many ways to access it immediately, that we have got to learn how to disseminate what it’s “true” and accurate for ourselves versus what is just leading us down a different rabbit hole of untruth.

Remember that doesn’t mean that the information that sounds terrible isn’t actually terrible, it may or may not be, depending on who is intercepting it. It’s not that obvious. Sometimes it raises strong emotions and those are times that we should really check ourselves. For example, it has rained for days, it is gloomy and our energy goes low, people complain and want sunshine. But the farmer or an area hit with heat and drought are thankful for the rain. All in due “right timing”…. if we let go of a need to “control”.

What is being triggered for us that would make us want to push our will upon others? Or “request something” for others when we do not really know the full magnitude of the divine will for someone else? Because that’s what it is.
We truly can only know this for ourselves when we are connected within. We do not know the will of our creator or God, whichever name you feel comfortable using. But yet as individuals we also realize we are part of a whole and we need to remember that the combination and culmination of what everyone is “contributing” will give us exactly that which everyone is feeding.

Our results will of course be a “mixture” of us all. Like one big cake. The days and moments when the “majority” are responding in fear or anger or other lower energetic vibrations – our “cake” will taste differently and “feed us” differently and “stick to us” differently than when the “majority” are awake and expressing love, acceptance, gratitude, and willingness for collaboration. Think about and FEEL how differently THIS cake tastes, feeds, and sticks to/with us…

The take away messages that came in for the month have been –

Release.. let go.. receive peace

We are individuals but we are not alone – we each are a part of and contribute to a whole.

It is not about OUR individual ego based “will”. It is our individual heart based “will” that is connected to “the ALL” – that feeds the “will” of the Divine.

Blessings to all-
Contemplate, meditate, and choose from the heart space of your inner you and divine light.

Much love
Shiela

April message of the Month: God/the divine is in Everything

by Shiela Reed

God/the divine is in everything. Think about that… in EVERYTHING- each thing and person we interact with, in each of us… it sure hit home as I was trying to make a connection to that inner place within me one evening. It helped me a bit to think about how I interact with others. How I treat them and think about them. Do I or would I treat or think of God/divine this way? The more important question is, Do I WANT to treat/think/ feel this way about others or myself?
What about the THINGS in my life? Do I treat those with respect or other peoples things with respect? When I no longer need something do I pass that on with love and gratitude or just toss it aside as worthless? Even when it is time to let go of something, can I do that lovingly and with appreciation or do I hold an ego attachment to it in some way?
Deep thoughts in a night of the middle of a rough energetic week with big ups and downs at the first part of this month. Trying to free my mind as this connection to God/creator and my awareness of my own attitude came front and center.
Sometimes it does feel like I’m trying to “out do” God by trying to be “better” than creation, yet sometimes I just feel so connected to source I don’t think it’s that as much as that it seems I’m just trying to follow inner promptings and get confused when my inner compass is “rusty” or out of practice or balance Additional confusion comes in with the constant bombardment by all the energies around me and I can’t find enough stillness and I find myself subjected to things, situations, people, places, sounds etc that deep down in my true self (that inner soul space connected to source) I know are “unhealthy” and unsupportive to my “real purpose”.

It’s definitely been a month of shifts and adjustments. As the thoughts of God/divine and our individual relationship with source is contemplated, may we each have an experience of openness that expands our hearts allowing divine love to flow through us to ourselves, others, and our every piece of surrounding.

This month has been busy with messages and topics coming forward. As a reflection of that love from me and for me, I want to attempt to share them more frequently. 😊

Blessings, peace, and love
Shiela