May Message of the Month: Change – When Things Become Different

Change – When Things Become Different
by Shiela Reed
Remember EVERYONE only knows what we know today because we lived and “experienced” through yesterday.

Our information and level of knowledge changed based on many different levels of assessing and discerning.

There really isn’t anyone that ends up “knowing less” tomorrow than they did today. What may happen though is the fear, panic, anxiety etc of believing we SHOULD know the future which can grip us and we either resort backwards or freeze and do nothing. Sometimes we go the other extreme and “predict’ a fantasy future and cannot see compromises with that either.

The bottom line is the old cliche… most of us don’t like change. So strangely enough, the most adaptable and flexible of most species are also ones that tend to thrive. They will more often see opportunities in adversities. They can have conversations with multiple kinds of people and frequently look for a compromise. They often stretch and flex beyond “having to be right”.

Yet sometimes it’s really hard to look past our “opinions”. Especially if we ever have to admit that they are based on false beliefs, ego, and/or wishful thinking. But one thing is pretty true and probably self evident… the harder we hold on to those “false ones” – they oddly become stronger and stronger and we may end up misguided into sometimes thinking “it’s our passion” when it’s really our ego and mind not wanting to let go of control.

I’m not implying we all walk around like a box of rocks and have no “stance”. But maybe a deeper look at where our stuff really is coming from and why are we fighting so hard about it or for it? While we are all entitled to that lovely opinion, forgetting that others feel just as strongly about something else doesn’t end up making it about being “right”. THAT is the hook… it gets most of us every time… so much so, we quickly forget our abilities to have heart felt communication with others out of “fear of being wrong”.

So, riddle me this…. if you made a decision today based on all the knowledge and research and heart searching you could come up with today – and TRULY felt that TODAY was the day you needed to make this decision, how would you feel about it? Confident? Would you go ahead and do it? (Or not if the decision was to not do something).

What happens next week, if you get new information that counters what you were so sure of last week? And lets say you realize you don’t want to just “change your mind” and be “wishy washy” just because – so you again research, contemplate, dig in your heart and find out – “Well jeesh!” I have a different way I could look at this now.

How do you determine WHEN or IF you change your mind and/or behavior? Do you “dig in for the fight” and entrench yourself in only information that supports your first belief and pretend you never learned something new? Do you throw in the towel and decide “I don’t care or know any better anyway, so I’ll just start going with whatever way the wind blows”? Do you assess where you are this week and use pro’s and con’s – mentally, from your heart, wonder what other people will think, or some other criteria?

In reality, ALL of that is individualized!! I won’t do it like you and you won’t do it like me. But one thing that CAN be the same IF we would all choose it… is that we can “give ourselves AND someone else a break” (i.e. I like to call this space = Grace) to LIVE and process for ourselves – without me having to argue with you about it and become consumed by having to “prove” who’s “right”.

YOU very well may know more than me today and I may very well know more than you next week. Or not… what exactly does that matter really in the end anyway? If that is all we focus on and cannot move past that, we will NEVER be able to truly communicate or EVER feel heard.

And here is an important concept I’ve found out for myself, “being heard” does NOT equate to “getting my way!”.

We choose to live with others (or not). We choose to connect, socialize, communicate, have relationships with others (or not). We choose when and where we go, what we do, jobs, and all other aspects of our lives. Yes, even if there are certain limitations due to outer factors – we still have choices about HOW we interact – is it all about ME, only about the group, OR variables of everything in between?

If the criteria for which we first made any of those choices changed, we have a responsibility to ourselves to determine what (if anything) that really even means to us. But we also remember that we have agreed to be here with others in many circumstances and the new information may mean things need to change in those relationships, rolls  and/or within ourselves.

It doesn’t mean we fight about it or cannot find a way to work with each other on a mutual outcome that benefits us both. (Provided this is the type of relationship/interaction you want).
If it is not, then walk away. Disengaging from this IS our choice and sometimes we will never be able to speak the same “language”.

Sure there are going to be times to “stand your ground” and be firm on your boundaries. But just remember, have we really given that Grace to the situation first – and thought about how “hey, maybe they are just deciding different than me because their level of “knowledge” is at a different place than mine”. (Oh, and don’t automatically think this means to imply that “you” are the “right one” and they are just “the wrong one”)

I guess we will have to wait until NEXT week to know that part. 😉

In truth – our hearts already know it will just be the “new truth” and we really do not need to worry about being “right or wrong”. WE can adjust and change as we need to and will be just fine.

Sharing the messages that come through with love of Grace in all we do…
Peace and blessings
Shiela