A hard day – Kind of

An example of how a “rough day” could end up either way.
By Shiela Reed

I didn’t realize just how restricted I was today. Mentally, emotionally, physically – which of course blocks much hope for an opportunity for an expansive spiritual or etheric experience.

As the end of my work day came to a close and I finally released myself of its grip. I went for a much needed brisk walk where I really felt the physical restriction in my body and the seize on my mental and emotional being. As my body felt the ache of just walking my mind started to let go and free flowing thoughts came back to me. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve ever felt all of this. But there was a kind of blazing hot level of awareness that came in and I KNEW it was my inner me saying “what the F happened today?!” This level of restriction is so destructive and I realized clearly once again that I CHOSE IT! Yes again it’s not a super new concept or first time feeling for me over the years, but I am ALWAYS amazed at the clarity and “brightness” of this awareness and conversation.

I wasn’t mad or irritated nor did I turn away from what I was witnessing and experiencing, instead I felt this kind of new sense of “neutral acceptance” but even that doesn’t fully explain how it felt. I truly felt it all – “let go”. It didn’t matter the why, or that is was done, but that I didn’t want it now. I could see and feel deeply that at this moment I felt strong and confident and I had a say so! All at this same time there was a flood of past along with this current time of how I have exerted SO MUCH energy trying to “live up to other standards”. So much so, that I have a really hard time defining what Shiela really wants or needs.

It’s a REAL struggle for an empath and energetically sensitive. Where and how do I fit when I have such a hard time trying to NOT always look at what makes others happy or how by me being or doing a certain way, THEY might be pleased… yes yes it’s part of an ego issue.. it’s been a regular work in progress for me and today as another layer got ripped off, I noticed it actually kinda doesn’t even sting as bad anymore.
I know it’s me. I know I can say, do, and be different. I still am working on what that truly looks like. In the mean time, I’m ok and I’m enough, just where and how I am.

To share another moment of beauty and one where I would have possibly missed the totality of the connection to the full circle of the moment…

As I walked, I went past a local skilled nursing facility. I am lost in my thought while releasing the above mentioned “stuff”.. processing my day, thinking how hard today was, but equally how fortunate I am, and I look up at one of the windows and see a little old lady standing there looking out. I have on a bright orange sweatshirt so I know she sees me and I start to waving as big as I can and smiling as big as possible. She waves back and my heart just warmed…. then, I started to sob. I felt how this made her day, the simpleness of seeing a person outside who smiled and waved. I felt both her happiness and a sadness, then I felt a message from her – “be grateful child, be grateful you are there and not here. Enjoy that beautiful walk outside, embrace the beauty around you and especially YOU’RE OWN UNIQUE BEAUTY. Don’t be afraid to share that and let your light shine”.

The tears flowed as I walked until I had to just sit with that for a bit. I sat and took at my surroundings. I let that all sink in. Under the circumstances with the restrictions at this time, I knew what she meant. Then a man in a small truck pulled up, he asked if I had heard if anyone was sick in here yet. I said I did not know since I do not work here, but I know this has to be hard on them. He said his mom was here (yes, you too thought it was going to be the same lady right?! Lol) – She actually was in a different hall and he told me how he comes each day and brings his daughters dog to show her as they go by and they talk on the phone. He said she tells him how she feels like she is “in jail”. He can’t even bring her food she likes anymore and some of the folks don’t have a window. They are not able to dine together so they are alone in their rooms.
I shared that I work in child welfare and while the restriction is hard, it obviously is meant to try and keep folks in facilities like this, where they are in close proximity- from getting sick. Yet I SO understand the hard effect this has on these folks here.
He said, “oh you’re a counselor, my daughter is too, but she is in Denver at a place hiring people”… it is hard and we agreed we sure wish there could be visitors. A car came up behind him so he said good bye and went on…

I sat and cried a bit more and then started to walk back home. In the front of the home I had a feeling, one that made me wish I could go in and volunteer time to visit with them. I decided to hold that in my heart and see what grows from it in the future… when we are allowed social contact again.

There truly is beauty in every moment if we can just let go of all of our restrictions and “expectations”. I can’t say this will miraculously make tomorrow better. In actually, I know by itself, it won’t. It can’t. It doesn’t work like that. It’s truly minute by minute choices that grow our days. They are never the same, because we are in just enough of a different space today than yesterday.

So while I hope to not forget “yesterday” – tomorrow I have to remember to make the choices that create the day I really want to see…
This was a good “lesson” kind of day and not something I’d trade. Just hopefully “tweak” a little tomorrow.

What a blessing to allow my true sensitivity to come out today.
Thank you – much love

Shiela

April Message of the Month: Gaslighting and our Choices

April Message of the Month: Gaslighting and our Choices

by Shiela Reed

Really good read about the gaslighting coming..
I have believed this for a long while and couldn’t have said this any better.
Our time is NOW
Our CHOICES will matter more than ever…

My personal lesson has been one on patience, mostly with myself, but a lot regarding other people and the complete differences in opinions and behaviors they have from me.

I’m not saying I’m “right” or perfect by any means. Far from it. I say a LOT less than I think. Especially these days. I am happy to discuss and talk to anyone else with an open mind and I try my best to do the same in return. This seems to work better on an individual basis anymore since social media and media in general seems to just spark more anger and fear which adds to the difficulty in communicating.

I’m very troubled and saddened by the events of the world. The behavior of us as humans in general is worrisome. It gets hard to find the “good” or positive when we are surrounded by the hate, arrogance, self-centeredness, and overall questionable behavior.

I get that there is fear, anger, confusion, sadness, grief, distrust… we try to see hope, happiness, a sense of direction, peace, a future that will make sense….

Honestly, it will NEVER be the same. I’ve wanted to post for a long while about my own struggles. Wondering if it would even help anyone else. Or if I’m sending too much of my own “junk” out there…lately I find times it’s hard to sleep due to worry. Worry about ALL OF US.

I do many things to try to take  care of myself, I HAVE TO as an empath. Yet the feeling of overwhelm from outside of me can still knock me down. No doubt, I’m blessed. I know this and am extremely grateful. I don’t have things within my immediate life necessarily that make me feel “low” …

Instead it’s THIS – the things I see and hear people say and do. It gives a very different and often sobering view of human kind. People you thought believed like you but actually don’t. Wondering how it is we can be SO far apart and divided. It makes me sad.

Yet the ray of light I so desperately want to cling to is the one of HOPE. That this “lesson” we are ALL to learn is truly discovered before we destroy ourselves. I don’t want to go down the road of conspiracy theories or any other place that turns into a “debate” about “what the lesson is” or why or where it’s coming from.. In reality it’s probably some messy mixture of all of it just to “prove” we are all “right” AND that we are all “wrong”…

Honestly it’s pretty likely it’s so “deep” we couldn’t really mentally deconstruct it anyway. Personally and based on the energetic work I do, I believe it is multifaceted. There is an individual component that EACH of us needs to address, and then there is a much larger context within our collective (community, society, the world). All of which will end up at varying degrees of change. Requiring us to move beyond where we currently are. Some will be miles different and some will be inches. But there WILL be different. A “new normal” WILL emerge.

I TRULY want and hope that “we get it”. Deep inside I feel the peace in the trust that “all is as it should be” and things are and will play out as it’s supposed to. I do trust…

I try to remain the observer- and not get too far one way or another.
I try to know when to share without fear of judgement or thinking that “no one cares” what I have to say anyway.
I try to know when to be silent and hold my tongue because I’m being opinionated or projecting my fears or judging others.
I try to stay positive while fighting my own inner sadness for humanity.
I try to accept that I want to feel special and needed but end up jealous and envious.
I try to be happy and share love in ways that I realize only I can do…

Clearly this list can go on and on.. but in the end of these “deep thought” kind of moments- I always come back to the reminder that the Grace I give myself is the first gift I can give for there to be ANY level of healing for myself or anyone I will impact.

It isn’t easy… most times I’d probably rather just “hide”…but sometimes, just sometimes, the creative parts and individual gifts need to be pushed out beyond the fear. We need to remember and NEVER forget that times like these are HUGE events that are changing the fabric of humanity and we ARE a part of it, whether we like it or not.

So if you’ve read this far- I wonder,

What kind of normal are you preparing to return to?

Are you awake and aware?

As scared as I am for change- I personally DON’T want life to go all the way back to “the way it was”. There are MANY areas that could be better. Personally AND globally. There are also many that I love and I do want to be the same.
The point is, we ALL have a chance to make choices – and they are all really important now. What pieces do you want to keep and what pieces do you want to let go of?

It’s up to us, but please don’t forget the importance of this time of learning…. don’t allow yourself to be part of any gaslighting. Know your own inner truth.

https://forge.medium.com/prepare-for-the-ultimate-gaslighting-6a8ce3f0a0e0

Much love and regards for peace
Shiela

Our contributions – Where do we fit?

Our contributions – Where do we fit?
by Shiela Reed

(I first saw this article the first part of April 2020 and I immediately connected to it, but it was truly on just one personal level- so it kept coming back to me and now has resonated to expand to a deeper connected meaning to share as a blog.) Thank you for checking it out… I hope it expands even further for you. 💓

https://www.papercitymag.com/culture/generation-x-earns-respect-conronavirus-pandemic-stay-home/

[My initial response] –

Ahhhhhh! This makes sense now! 😉😆

So maybe I’m NOT the only one who hasn’t turned on a TV in weeks?!

I guess that’s why I haven’t been too bored yet.

Yes I miss friends and being in person social things but I’ve appreciated and enjoyed my solitude. I’m pretty sure I’m really more introverted than it may have always appeared… 💙

[After it kept coming back to me for more reflection] –

I see this article now as one possibility of why the stay at home thing hasn’t been exactly horrible for me – yes it’s been an adjustment- it took a minute to reorganize my own brain around how I was managing my days. It became very obvious that my work day was something I “compartmentalized” and tried to “leave behind” when I was physically leaving a building! That became impossible with it sitting at my kitchen table. There was no training or assistance with how to do this… I had to rely completely on my own skill set and draw from my experiences as well as go deeper into “trusting” my own inner guidance.

It’s been a struggle, even though I feel like I have a pretty decent level of “awareness”.
So while I, like most others I imagine, continue to “adjust” and hopefully explore what this time is meaning for us and what it’s showing us – I personally am trying to reconnect and harness a deeper level of compassion for everyone and everything. I truly don’t want to “miss the lesson(s)”.

I am and will continue to learn and grow. I love this opportunity- it isn’t and hasn’t been easy. There are a lot of “shadows” when we dig within. But it’s ok to see those and explore what it is that’s holding me/us back. And honestly ask – Do we even want to?

While this article above talks about my particular generation- I know that no “one generation” has the total answer or ability to make it alone.
For example another article about the future and specifics to this virus connects the important role of millennial’s to become the leaders of the future. As well as the important contribution the older generations can make.

https://mailchi.mp/transcodes/from-zero-to-hero-are-millennials-the-secret-sleepers-of-global-collective-healing-truth-talk-tomorrow-12pmedt-on-facebook?e=ef59375d87

I have also seen many stories about other generations that have lived through extremely challenging times and have great advice to share. So there is a lot out there…

To me, it’s all such an important reminder that we ALL have something to contribute. Be it in a family, a team, a work environment, our community or the world as a whole. We can ALL learn from one another if we choose to see it that way. Yes, the future belongs to the younger generations – that used to be US. Just as it USED to be our parents, grandparents and ancestors.
They all did the best they could with what they knew and could at the time. Just like we are trying to do. Sure some probably made “poor decisions on purpose”… we just need to remember that as long as we are doing the best we can today and make a real effort to NOT purposely choose harm to others, our planet, ourselves… we will at least be contributing to a collective of change and hopefully toward positive collaboration with our whole system and the universe.

I know that got a little “woowoo” for some, but I’m trusting that the feeling and meaning behind it will still land in your heart like it has in mine.

I just wanted to share today… 😊 thanks for listening. ❤

Be well, stay safe, and continue to grow in love and light
Shiela