February Message of the Month: Solutions and Conflicts

Solutions and Conflicts by Shiela Reed

There is usually a solution to any perceived conflict if we are willing to be open to listening to alternatives.

How do you resolve conflicts? Are you aware of where your mind goes if you feel defensive? To me one of the key things to be aware of is being able to realize and connect to the deeper aspects (usually ego related) that spark an inner defensiveness.

Over the years of learning ways to connect within myself at deeper levels I have been able to find new layers of awareness that have helped me make progress in dealing with conflict. So far this is where I find myself…

First, a level of acknowledgement that I consider something a conflict in the first place and I either want to address it/engage in efforts to resolve it or not.
If I don’t want to work toward a resolution, then I will need to “own the fact” that I will be CHOOSING to participate in and FEED the energy of the conflict in a less productive kind of way.
Even with this, I now realize there are deeper aspects to this too.. i.e. am I wanting to control or ignore something (my own emotions maybe) simply by being what appears to be non-active?
Maybe it is out of fear of having to change a long standing mindset of my own?

The same could be said for if I choose to “work toward a resolution”… what are the reasons behind it? “Selfish” motives, or because I “know best”, or because I truly want an opportunity to collaborate with another soul in an effort for us to learn together and from each other?

Regardless, acknowledgment and awareness of the conflict at least allows us an opportunity to observe another layer in this dynamic which is the next thing to consider and that is the multiple places for asking questions of our inner self…

However, it can get extra sticky if we start thinking too much about others involved in the conflict and we project into the situation, so being aware of this is key too.

Now what happens if another person/party doesn’t want to engage in conflict resolution? Do I drop into fear? Anger? Feeding the conflict.. or make an attempt to find a place of common ground, consider that the “other side” may be functioning out of their own fear. I can hear some now (even my own head goes here) “but wait, if they don’t want to compromise or work it out, then why would I trust them and try to consider them being fearful, thus putting me in a vulnerable position?”

Well, personally, I think this is a very pivotal point to be able to come to in terms of truly making a personal “decision” about a conflict. Are you able to process to this point quick enough all the while listening to your true heart prompting and acknowledging your ego interjections all along the way… to ask, what part of this is “true/safe/right” to ME at that core level? Or do you miss the underlying parts of the ego that are being supported and fall into a looping pattern?

For me, there have been times I have worked through so far and found that there simply is nothing further I personally can do without crossing my own lines of integrity or what my heart already knows is beyond my souls responsibility, or boundaries. For example, NOT continuing to help or own parts of a conflict that really no longer belong to you.
At other times I may realize I am not taking responsibility for my own “part” enough and need to reevaluate why I may be dodging that… (back to some of the above questions)

We can go off in so many directions and learn so many things from a conflict (inner, outer, and all in between) but we tend to either shy away from them or go about resolution in frequently ineffective ways. Likely because conversations are often loaded with ego needs and personal projections. It really seems to boil down to continuing to ask questions of ourselves layer by layer to understand our own deep rooted connection to the conflict topic in the first place and maybe have some very basic respect for where the other side MAY be coming from (without acting like we know them better than they know themselves) and then just trusting that it will turn out how its supposed to in the end.

Overall, the topic of “conflict” is pretty interesting as it can be such a beautiful reflection of reality, whether we choose to see it in all its “glory” or not is the question. A reality of infinite learning opportunities and/or deep rooted divisions and ego needs…

I continue to find that no two conflicts are the same and the ego aspects sparked within me change, but as I learn to acknowledge and ask inner questions, the energy of the conflict itself shifts.

It would be interesting to hear how you view conflicts for yourself and if this concept makes sense to you or not. Whether there have been inner or outer conflicts, there does seem to be some elements that remain the same, acknowledge and question from the inner heart at all times to find the “best” resolution.

Much love and peace as you peel back the layers in the world of “conflicts”.

Shiela

January Message of the Month – Action and Growth

by Shiela Reed

Earlier this month I got a couple back to back “pings” for a message of the month topic and today I hear a combination of the two…

Jan 16th = Action
What does action look like for you?
Do you immediately think of physical movement? What about the underlying stuff

Jan 17 = growing stronger
“Find a way to grow stronger…
you’re the only one who can do it…”

As we explore what it means for each of us to be “active” and learn how to follow the inner truth and promptings, we ARE actually “growing stronger”.

It’s funny because in my younger years I was physically strong and found my inner work to be my own, but without focus or guidance. Yes there were plenty of struggles and I guess that’s “normal” for much of that phase of life… I took my physical life for granted as many of us probably do/did… then as I went through another phase of life, I became aware that my inner connection had been “neglected” so I dove head first into “addressing” that…finding the missing “direction” and guidance. While that was VERY much needed I’ve had an awareness the last few years, that I ended up becoming VERY disconnected from my physical body and now have physical things that have manifested and I now must “address”…

It wouldn’t have had to be this way, but while I accept that my journey is what it needs to be for me, I want to share now how I find it as an ironic example of the “extremes” I’ve always lived. An “all or nothing” lifestyle, (or changes from one extreme to another), struggling desperately to find balance between two polar opposites that seemed to never want to “get along”… while YES, ultimately the “lesson” of “how” to balance comes from within each of us and from a spiritual kind of place, I am finding a new “struggle” in dealing with physical things that have never been a part of my life limitations. While parts of this could easily be “blamed” on aging, deep down I do not buy this for myself. I know within my heart why this is presenting itself and it is an awareness that I will continue to explore and work on.

There are elements of patience, self love, and acceptance that immediately come forward. A deeper aspect that I tend to keep very private, is that I have finally admitted to myself that the “inner world” and workings of my life are NOT where I find discomfort, nor has it ever been.. yes “hard” at times, but something I don’t want to ever look at?.. not really… sure I will avoid just as anyone else, but eventually I keep looking and have always enjoyed that process… even when it initially feels “painful”… in reality, what I have found is that I have much more difficulty with this physical life… so it could seem easier to just “not be a part of it” sometimes and that was MUCH easier for me to “overlook” when I did not have to pay much attention to my physical self. I learned ways to “check out” from myself pretty well.

Action for me has meant MANY things, depending on the “phase” of life, the lessons I’ve been willing to learn, and how open I’ve been to continue to take new steps following my hearts path. THIS is what is helping support my growth each day. Which will always be an opportunity of choices for me. There is no need to get caught up in or restricted by singlur definitions of “action” and “growth” because in the end it’s our own anyway right?!

So, here it is, kind of “full circle” in kind of a way. I found a year or so ago that I need to connect my two. Instead of always one or the other. I’ve had my focus on physical, I’ve had my focus on spiritual/inner work, now for the yin and yang to circle… Yes, a need for balance will always exist. We come to that realization in different way and at different times and in multiple intensities.

Connecting the emotional, spiritual, and physical is due for an “upgrade” in my book. 😊

I hope you find “food for thought” here that assists you in finding your own action and ultimately a new layer of growth on your personal journey.

Much peace and love
Shiela

November Message of the Month – The Power of Love/”Prayer”/Combined Energy with Intent

by Shiela Reed

The regular theme for this month has been about Love – and the appearance of “different forms” – yet as we find the root of the intentions, the ones done with the “love” and of “trust – in divine right timing” with the collaboration of the two is what has been swirling around this month.  I wrote this earlier in the month and had not posted it and find today that it seems to fit with the “theme”…. so it is shared with you out of heartfelt gratitude and love as the message of the month.  I truly hope you have found your way through this month and find these words and the heart and love behind it, as the “cherry on top” for November….

I have and ALWAYS will believe in the power of “prayer”/good vibes/ love intended energy… whatever you want to call it… at the same time I am fully aware and also believe in “divine right timing”… so.. how does that fit together? Let me share a personal example….
Today (Nov 11 2018) my very elderly dog, Bosco, who has been with me through MUCH in life.. good and really not good… 16+ years worth at this point mind you… he is my “soulmate dog”.
Well, he woke up and had a new “issue”… his back right hip went out just while walking across the floor. To sum this up, here are his “issues”: separation anxiety most of his life (he is a rescue dog and has been with me since age 1 – our life together is yet another story ?)
heart failure (meds since age 12),
Chronic Dislocated back left knee
And today this…

I share this to also create a story for you… I full well know and realize he will not be with me forever. Which is true of anyone or anything, ourselves included. So, while we KNOW this, I myself continue to be amazed at how I can still get so “off center”, that I am not present for today’s joy’s in my current life and become so enveloped with fear. Yet, embracing and then releasing the pains of the future that tend to so easily trap me in fear and worry is not as easy as “a wish, or desire, or words”… even knowing “nothing here we try to hold, is forever”… it takes that regular and frequent checking within, re-centering, re-grounding, and “catching it” before it goes into a “loop”…

I was already in a loop from the previous week, which was already added on to by the previous week… and I “knew” I had some things to “tend to”, but I chose to “put it aside”, wait, do it differently, I really don’t know.. except my inner me told me to address it back then, and I didn’t. My ego/mind latched on to the “fears” and away we went with story after story of “what if’s”…

So flash forward to today and this event…

I was in tears, I feared the worst, even knowing “if it’s time, it’s time, there is nothing I can do about it”… I did my best to allow myself to feel the fear, say it out-loud, let it fly into the wind, and accept what was to be, without having to “know it” right now. Of course I found myself wanting to “control”.. but what this situation did do was force a shift on me that desperately needed to be released…so, as it started to “unfold”, I felt my heart reference point say “let go of the pain”… this one situation is NOT what this is all about….
I then knew from my heart that my intentions for asking friends and loved ones for “prayers/good vibes” was to request the energetic support for me and Bosco to go through WHATEVER was to be next…
That is exactly what I believe these “requests” are about. A true self asking other true selves for “support” in a time of need… even when asking for something specific, our inner selves already are connected to the Divine and knows what we need… the mind just wants to be involved… so, even though we “pray” for healing and may mentally have an opinion about what that looks like, deep within, when we truly trust and have faith… we know whatever comes, is simply meant to be. We just may not be able to see the type of “healing” that we actually “really” need.

So, as I let go, and allowed for whatever support came forward to come to me and Bosco… I was able to release the majority of the previous several weeks worth of “stuff” and be in a place I needed to be, so I could lovingly be present in this important moment for me, my current situation and my honored relationship with my sweet furry companion.

As we went to the vet, Bosco was calm, and I knew within it was all “ok”.. whatever that ended up looking like, didn’t matter as much anymore. I surrendered… today, the news was not catastrophic, there were options, possible solutions, and while that made my mind stay on the background, I felt in my heart, the whole event was needed for healing… not just in Bosco…

And with that, I find great humbleness and gratitude in the power of “prayer”… I was not “alone”, the “energy field” of lovingness and truth was all around, and I felt safe to be present in my space, in each moment, with him and each situation the rest of the day.
Thank you friends for “holding space” for us today… know I will always intend to do the same for you.
Much love
Shiela

October Message of the Month – One Thing at a Time

by Shiela Reed

One thing at a time. Slow your breathing and you’ll slow your mind, then everything else will follow. Take your time. It is all OK as it is.

It is so hard to slow down and focus on one thing at a time. I often find myself racing from one thing to another without being consciously present in any of it!  This is actually detrimental to any progress and a misguided notion that we “should do more”… for example, I am a firm believer that multi-tasking is a myth and has misguided MANY of us! As we become more and more separated and distracted from being fully present in a moment or task, we ultimately find we aren’t really being “good” at any one thing at all!

As I’ve become more aware of this, I have found this is a root of much of my anxiousness. I actually feel better and in tune with my inner voice when I pay attention to this “signal” and remind myself to slow down. Lately this has been extra intensified and with all the energetic shifting going on around all of us, I know I am not the only one.

For example, right now I feel a strong need to “de-clutter” more. But letting go of things feels difficult. I know this is a sign that I have some work to do in this area. I’ve tried a little at a time by focusing on one area or theme. i.e. clothes, stored items.. things where I KNOW I have things that can “go” and I won’t “die” if I actually DO get rid of them, (haha) but you know, I still only end up being able to ditch a few things! What the heck?! I can actually FEEL the anxiety underneath, the “fear” of “what IF” I need this “someday”?! Another “thought” is about how the item reminds me of something, someone, or an event/time.. and I worry I will “forget” the memory.   I take a next step and wonder WHY is this coming in like this?  What is the REAL reason I am holding on?..
Knowing from my inner heart space that this is necessary for me to “make room” for anything new, why is it still so hard? I also know that it pulls me into the past, which intuitively I know can serve a purpose, (understand and learn from the past type of thing) but can becomes a problem when I can’t “hear” or “see” a flexible future. Instead I feel limited or restricted. Those are signs that I’m not in the moment or trusting my heart. Instead there is an overlay of a fear of something…

So I keep going back to “one thing at a time”, over and over and over. Resetting myself… starting by just realizing it and then trying to just focus on the moment and asking myself if this (item, situation, person, feeling) is important for me or to my “best/ true inner self “.
Sometimes it is, and is clearly only “for now”, sometimes it is not, but I have to acknowledge there is something deeper going on if I cannot “let it go”.   Either way, it is important to not get caught here and thus not be able to move on, one way or the other.

Therefore, right now, all I’m able to do with those moments, is to practice another form of “one thing at a time” and realize that some things I’m just not ready to deal with, so I set it aside and work on NOT getting caught up in a mental loop about it.

It’s been such a theme this month that it has felt important to share. If for no other reason but to say “hang in there”. “One foot in front of the other”. “One thing at a time”. And I’m discovering that it doesn’t mean that each “thing” always gets “done”. Sometimes, it’s just being in the moment of whatever is going on, and then moving on to a next moment while accepting that becoming overly “obsessed” about finishing something, is probably going to end up counter productive.

So join me and pick one “focus” at a time and take it easy… Enjoy, appreciate, and fill it with love.
After all, it is what will provide us the support and solid base for all things that will come to us in our future.

Many blessings
Shiela

September message of the month – Hold On and Let Go

by Shiela Reed

Hold on and Let go – has been a theme for me this whole month it seems.  Each moment and experience in all areas of my life keep pointing out that we are always doing one or the other and sometimes both at once.

Oddly enough (or maybe not so odd by now 😉 , it seems to be the most prevalent times I can see it this way is when I’m centered and grounded and still in my own heart space.

I know it seems a little bit of a broken record, but it truly is the “make it or break it” pivotal zone in all we are… without it – we can never really be sure and trust that we are headed down our true path, because choices end up at the whim of our ego mind.

So as we have already moved through this month somehow!.. There is a new energy shift coming into October and one of my mentors through TransCODES shares some great information about this and it’s worth taking note, specifically  the following from  http://www.transcodes.com/blog/4592588517/22nd-28th-September-2018-Collective-Energies-Tips-(Week-39)-Equinox—Ready-Or-Not/11328430

“ETHERIC BUZZ ALERT from 25th September 2018: *** ETHERIC BUZZ ALERT *** Incoming Energies (Equinox, Full Moon and #OctoberRevolutionEnergies) overwhelming for empaths atm. Don’t beat yourself up for being tired or low-balling. Give yourself space and RELEASE ALL EMOTIONS #eyeofthestorm #bifurcation #collectiveenergies”

This is especially if you are already aware of being extra sensitive to energies around you.  It’s a very important time to be able to tap into your inner guidance and know when to “hold on or let go or do both”.  This shift will be occurring regardless of if we are “ready or not”, so being able to do this in the coming months in a way that is true to each of us, will likely mean we need to spend extra time grounding, lightly reflecting, letting go, and ultimately allowing our process and journey to unfold.  Oh, and also doing this over and over again and moment to moment sometimes. 🙂

We do not need to be passive during this, instead there is a need to be actively engaged and connected – but within our inner space where our “real us” is already communicating with our divine light.  This is our “true”…

So as we all contemplate the holding on, letting go, and yin/yang of it all – remember to be present in each moment  – allow yourself space to grow and heal and be open to trust in the unfolding while you continue to participate in the journey.

See you in October!

Much love and blessings

Shiela

 

August message of the month – Embrace the Journey –

By Shiela Reed

Sometimes looking around and appreciating where we have come from is more important than being “right” in a debate or discussion. Whether with ourselves or others, what if instead of being aggravated or “disappointed” or angry, we were appreciative, humbled, and excited about how far we have come in our life? Whether leaps and bounds or tiny steps – it doesn’t really even matter the “direction”… our labeling and judgement about it is what gets us side tracked and we end up missing the true point in our journey.

While we are here to grow and learn and have a physical experience in our humanness and there is individuality in that, we also are part of a larger collective (society, communities, etc.) that very much impacts our world.
I often think about my own experiences and the impacts they have had on my journey and find even the hardest of them I have found appreciation for. It’s a beautiful thing to be able to see the growth we gain from the difficulties we encounter.

Similarly when we can appreciate the same flow of nature and our world… acknowledging that without rain, there is no growth or life. Without some natural “destruction” there is no “rebuilding” (i.e. fires, hurricanes, tornadoes). The earth system naturally will “rebalance” and it’s not about the “good or bad” of it.
It’s what ends up happening “with it” and after it that counts. Which way will it go? What is the overall reaction?

Nature and Earth – Gaia – will “balance” out. Our own energetic reactions is part of it all as well… if we (individually and/or collectively) react in extreme ways, there will be counter reactions from elsewhere too. It’s as if what we “create” gets “fed” and grows… panic, worry, fear, hostility… just as will safety, peace, comfort, and love. As we go through our own individual journeys and find our ways to become “balanced” (which is that ebb and flow of all the emotions in a closer, smoother and “truer” to our heart center) we can find a sense of peace here.

We will naturally know this state of being… it’s from where we came… embracing the journey through it all is when we can find peace and acceptance in allowing ourselves and others to truly be in harmony, despite our different paths.

As “kumbaya” as this all sounds, the realities of the facts are, not everyone will see it this way, and their journey may appear to be in conflict with our own. Take note and make your own boundaries as respectfully as can be done, and determine your own choices and own them.
At the end of it all, YOU are responsible for YOU and where your journey has been and where it is headed, all based on your moment by moment choices each day.

So, I hope you deeply embrace your journey from your heart, are open to the acceptance of your past by releasing all judgement, and gain exitment in allowing for your future to unfold without fear or restriction.
Much love and blessings
Shiela

June monthly message – Decisions are Choices and they Make a Difference

Decisions are choices it makes a difference

by Shiela Reed

It’s pretty amazing to consider the true depth of how influential are decisions and choices actually are in every part of our lives
From simple things like what to wear (OK maybe not always so simple haha) to things that may make life more “complicated” – like who (if anyone) to spend our time and life with.

In reality – there are so many of these things that go on each day we often just function on “auto pilot” most of the time without much true “awareness”. Now I’m not saying we need to over analyze things or over think every single move we make – but what if we did bring in a level of awareness that came from the heart? You know, our true inner self space and took some time to consider another way or another angle or if we really want that thought, behavior, etc in our space to begin with.

The reality is our decisions and choices matter. Not just to us but others around us. Are we aware enough to consider the current future of effect on ourselves and others while being true to our inner self?
When it comes from the heart and not an ego driven self centered place, it really does end up as a “greater good” or “right”. For example, who we decide to associate with and allow in our lives has an influence on us. Where we choose to go and how we spend our time and money has an effect on our presence. Even something like sharing your DNA may have connections you have not thought of… remember your intentions are within your control while those of others are not.

So do we end up living in fear of making decisions and choices because there are so many directions each one could actually go? Sometimes we do… so I hope we simply become more aware of WHERE our own intentions are coming from while considering that there are also outside influences we may need to become more aware of. Maybe this could help create more of a balance between not being too cautious or “fearful” with also not being “too open” that we are “naive” or “vulnerable” in an unaware kind of way.

I’m so reminded that there is so much that does make a difference – even if it seems small- It will and does ripple out, even a little – which has an impact of energetic frequency on all of us. So yes, what we say and do to ourselves and others has a lasting impact, at least in this lifetime and possibly even beyond (insert golden rule here) 🙂
It also has influence with our Earth and the energetic flows all around us. So we may end up on the “energy river of the collective” or we may “float on a side stream” of our own. Even though it’s usually a little of both, they will eventually mingle and meet in some way and the effect on us greatly depends on where we are energetically, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – are we balanced? Are we coming at things from a genuine loving place holding a space of respect for ourselves and others as we observe and contemplate how we really want it to be?

I have to say this month’s message came at me from several different angles and it was as if there was a need to share multiple perspectives, so it was tough to get written down – but as pin has made it to paper, it has remained a simple focus on the importance of just learning a deeper level of awareness that allows decisions and choices to be true, honest, genuine, from a place of love, and held in grace, because it does make a difference.

I hope your decisions lead you to choices that make your true heart happy and resonates with the world in a joyous way.

Peace
Shiela

May monthly message – Food for Thought – What are You Feeding?

by Shiela Reed

As we move through spring heading quickly into summer here in the Midwest of the USA, the reminder and messages about being conscious of what we allow and thus “put” in our “bodies” has become very active.  But there is more…

Have you considered that your body is really more than just your “physicalness”?

I realize this can get pretty overwhelming kind of quickly and that everyone isn’t really as interested in “digging in” further – but in reality – it’s extremely important to gain at least a little deeper understanding  of how our systems work together.  It’s actually a major key to overall wellness/well-being.

So – just as a start, consider a few other aspects to your “body” – yes – think of a few physical things that go together (i.e. stomach, spleen, pancreas, liver)- Google it –it’s fun to get a little more educated on how your body works.

I’ve been using this myself as I have been checking in on a muscle/tendon/plantar faciiatis weakness and pain issue of my own, thus leading me to multiple other options in healing my own chronic problem, which I wouldn’t have considered before.

Now, let’s go a step further – how about your emotional & mental “mind”/perspective?  How is that?  These are kind of like “rooms in our house”.  Did you know/or have you realized the actual affect these have/can have on your physical body – your “house”?  Think about it, if you have cluttered rooms and spaces in your home – it usually doesn’t feel real good, right?  And if you struggle (like I do sometimes)  to “let things go” – and/or you actually are finding it to be “safer” with the clutter – it usually is a clue (at least for me) that I have something underneath that I’m not aware of or fully acknowledging.

So if we go a bit further- we will notice and become aware of the energetic part of our system – our “wiring” – plumbing, whatever you want to call it that runs behind what we traditionally are conditioned to “see”.

When you start to become aware of this aspect of your “house”/body – “space” – you live in – it can actually feel a bit confusing, overwhelming, and even scary because it’s not what we are used to and we don’t have a lot of practice with noticing it, talking about it, much less managing it – so – what can one do?

Here are a few simple awareness tips – and seriously – keep it simple – don’t “over think” (if you start to go there and it feels “stressful” – let it go by acknowledging “I’m not ready yet”.

This is where I’ve learned to have some fun and make it my own –

  • What’s around your physical space? Your “house”?

Find little places throughout your day to just be in touch with your surrounding and how you are feeling.  i.e. I’m sitting outside having coffee, listening to the birds, feeling the cool breeze while the sun is starting to warm my body – yet my mind is thinking of the 10 things I NEED/should be doing rather than writing – at first I feel a bit of anxiousness (I used to feel guilty) Now I acknowledge it – “let it go” and flow by me so I can write the message I’m guided/led to share today, rather than ignore the inner signals.

In the past (and still sometimes) – I would have followed the guilt and it would have affected the rest of my day – as my energetic system would have not been congruent with that inner prompting.  So my mood and emotion and mentalness would go another direction – guilt, anxiety, judgement, anger, fear.

  • What’s in your mind/emotion – your “rooms”?

Become aware of not only what you are physically putting in and on your physical body – but what you are allowing in your mind, your sight, and your ears – Is what you are looking at feeling good to your soul?  Is what you’re reading feeding your spirit?  Or what you are listening to (music AND words from others AND yourself) supporting a positive space within which to grow into a better version of yourself?  If not, then make some choices about changing these things.

  • How is your energy flow? Are there blocks in your inner wiring/plumping/system?

Honestly – by trying the other two things, you will naturally start to reconnect to an ability to feel this at a deeper level.  It’s why we get the advice to “just breathe” “go outside/be in nature” “be still”.  Seek peaceful locations and people – because that naturally helps us balance out a littler.  It’s energetic support in its simplest form.  But we can learn to do this on our own too – we just have to become “aware” of the process.

Finding little points of awareness everyday can make some very significant shifts in your over all day – and ultimately your well-being.

So –how is your personal “space”?

Are you making your personal body/”house” just a house? Or a long term “home”?  Are there clearer rooms and improved inner flow in your wiring?  It’s a good time of year to self-check and adjust some things.  J

Happy “eating”…

Shiela

April Monthly Message – Letting Go vs Holding On

Letting go or Holding on…

by Shiela Reed

This message has been coming in for a week or so and ironically kept being vague about how to write about it… So I hope this information lands in “just the right spot” for you to get what you need.

The topic is a tricky one – since it has a classic connection to ego, which adds to the layers of “stuff” to work through.  After all, the ego prefers to have a say so in this stuff right?!

SO, how deep does the concept of “letting go vs holding on” really go?  Honestly, as deep as we each can take it…

In reality every decision has an element of both.  As we gain knowledge from a learning experience, we “hold on” to that, even if we “let go” of some parts of that experience.  We also find that emotions, feelings, behaviors, habits, people, things, and all other parts of our being and lives, eventually tend to come to some place of needing our attention regarding this exact topic….

Therefore, do we hold on to that or let it go?

Over time I have found that HOW we do this makes a great deal of difference and surprisingly (or maybe not) each one of the situations may just require a little bit of a different approach.  So no wonder it feels daunting and like something we end up “avoiding”!  Even if we deep down know that NOT making a decision, is actually STILL a decision…  right?

Here’s an example.  Lately I have been thinking a lot about things, people, feelings, behaviors, etc.  that I really need to put through this course of thinking.  Maybe it’s the natural element of newness, clearing, cleansing and so on associated with the Spring season (here in the Midwest of the USA at least)…  yet, I continue to just “think about it”.

Regardless, WHEN the time “hit’s you” and there is an inner prompting to take heed of this process regarding something in your life, do your due diligence and check in with your true self/“inner you”/heart space for true guidance before jumping in.

How many times have you made decisions hot from an emotion?  We say something without thinking, we spontaneously quit on something out of anger, or we hold on to items for years and don’t even know why….   Without that “north star” point of reference for ourselves, we are basically left at the mercy/whim of our ego, emotions, and any other random mechanism we grasp for in a moment of panic or desperation.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.  We really can take a moment or more to really “feel into” what it’s about and find our inner voice which can give us an idea or at least an understanding that is deeper and more meaningful, and ultimately provide us some much needed guidance for making a decision that deep down we really can live with.

So, as you “spring clean” your physical, emotional, and/or mental space, take 5 slow deep breaths, blow each one out as if you were blowing out birthday candles, and THEN ask yourself, do I “want” this?, do I “need” this and if so WHY and for what purpose?  Do the answers fit with your true heart direction or goals?  (be clear on a “want” and “need” as defined by YOU)

Spending some time assessing this part really can make a difference in not only our feelings and satisfaction in knowing we have followed our “heart”, but ultimately in our ability to “move on” or “stick around” with people, feelings, emotions, tasks, behaviors, etc.

For me, I have discovered I have a lot harder time letting go of things than I realized.  From clearing my phone of pictures (which I had already backed up in 5 other placed mind you) to cleaning out my closet to making a much needed change in my work life…. It’s been a process of going just a little deeper each time I would think about the topic and eventually I found my way to the root reason I was still “holding on” – that was when I found the freedom to make a choice… I then knew WHY I was holding on and then I and only ME could decide if I wanted to continue with that or not.

Yes it takes time, work, diligence, and consistency for it to become “second nature” but since we are all a “work in progress” anyway, why not dig into the deeper reason behind why we “hold on” vs “let go”?  After all – each effort is one step closer to a true heart connection and increased inner peace.

Sending you peace in the process

Shiela

March Monthly Message – Self-Acceptance

by Shiela Reed

As I’ve meditated on the message of self-acceptance a few things kept coming in.

One – it’s definition may not be exactly what one may think.

Two – it takes a deeper level of connection to understand and be aware enough to continue this inner journey.

The “definition” as given to me through inner promptings is more about a deep self-love that holds zero forms of judgement.  It is not good, it is not bad, it is not of ego.  It is a most pure essence of acceptance and comes from our deepest heart space and connection with our divine spark of life.

An example of how easily it can become confusing or miss guided kept coming up.  Although there is importance in taking care of oneself and at times, in being “proud” of things we do and “of ourselves”, it is not about being at the expense of others or one sided thinking.  Being prideful in that sort of way is actually a product of the ego.  One way I “check myself” regarding this is by first – being able to be aware that something may not be setting just right – I may have a twinge of “hmm that feels at odds” (even when I don’t want to see it!).    That’s when I ask questions of myself such as “where is that coming from?”, is that connected to an unmet emotional need maybe?

Anymore, I have also been able to start telling rather quickly if I get a “defensiveness” that rises up, such as “I am so proud of this or that part of me that I must tell everyone about it (I check if I’m being boastful and maybe really feeling loss or “less than” in some way as the real motivator for my announcements) and there is also a clue that if I feel as if they “do not see how good I am” I feel hurt or angry (I check for other missing needs, such as attention, love, etc that I may actually be seeking from outside myself).

As an alternative, if there is a level of true heart self-acceptance, there will not be a “need” associated with it.  It will “just be”.  It is not about the recognition or notation.  Instead it is the feeling of deep self-love, knowing you are living a true connection in that moment.  The topic or event or activity and any outcomes or lack thereof,  “just is”.

As far as the second part – I noticed as I have been contemplating this, it became clear that there is a whole lot more to it under the surface and it is NOT that easy!  I have returned to my meditation on it a few times the last few weeks to try and figure out how to even begin to say anything about it and NOT inadvertently include my own ego/bias/definitions.  🙂  I was again reminded how it is simply not a matter of shear “will” or overpowering that can be done by the mind, emotion, or a “stronger desire”.

I simply cannot WILL MYSELF to love me better or myself more.  No amount of affirmations or books or surface work will get you all the way there.  It takes the deeper, inner workings to finally shift that part of our inner consciousness and that quite frankly is very different for each of us!  There is no “one size fits all”, there is no “one book you will read” that will snap everyone into this space, there is no “one practice/program” that is guaranteed to work for every single person.

That’s probably clear as we think of the many motivational speakers, self-help books, courses, therapies, etc. that seem to work for some but not for someone else…

We will each come to this place on our own and at our own divine timing.  Maybe some never will… that is part of a greater mystery for another day…  🙂

In actuality, it is one of the most significant steps in our personal life journey that we can and will ever take.  Because technically without it, we seem to always feel as if we are still just a little short from “really getting it”.  Maybe this is why we keep searching and looking?  Like we know there is a key link that is a core connector for all the parts of our journey….

Having this inner connection, no matter how small it starts, is where the transformation begins.  It’s like a small light in a dark tunnel that as we notice it and move toward it, it becomes brighter and truer.  You gain the reference feelings of “just knowing your truth” and you find peace and comfort there, even if no one else does.  Yes it may be difficult, but it’s at this point that we realize there is no need to force our own thoughts and feelings, or brag or boast, because we have our own deep inner true heart level of self-acceptance that cannot be taken away from us.

The most difficult thing for me to remember at this point, is to love myself through the times of doubt and setbacks, and remember I will always be learning.  Because this is not a level of life easily lived every minute of every day – yet is it worthy of the effort to try.

May you start with new awareness as you take one step at a time toward a deeper level of true heart self-acceptance.

Blessings

Shiela