Another message in March: What is Essential?

Another message in March: What is Essential?

By Shiela Reed

We are in a time of learning. Recognizing we are all “essential” in our right. As we watch things unfold we recognize that things we thought were “true” and/or important- may not have been as much so…

I have observed our country, our states, cities and town, our agencies, and families begin to truly struggle with this. Now acknowledging things that have been taken for granted as actually being “essential” all along while other things had been being treated as “necessary” really are not.

Unfortunately some are still holding onto old ideals and there is a power struggle. All around us as well as within. While I am saddened by the way some are handling it, I am equally refreshed by the fortitude of many others. We individually have many things to “work through” and THIS part of the process will be what heals the whole (the collective).

I hope as the clarity comes, the courage will not be too far behind. I continue to say the serenity prayer in these times as it helps to refocus me.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

As we settle in the next round of expanding “shelter in place” – I cannot help but feel all the information coming in regarding how to care for ourselves, loved ones, and those most important to us. We may even find ourselves reevaluating who those people truly are. There are some very wonderful things being shared and extremely creative individuals sharing their gifts. Which we each have. I am reminded that even sharing that with one other person makes a difference and expands our vibrations of love by at least ten fold.

As this last week was a personal struggle on some levels, I would like to share why and what clarity came to me at the end of it…

My place of employment (like many) scrambled to come up with ways for the bulk of the workforce to work from home.
I cannot imagine the added layers of thought and debate it took and continues to take to make these hard decisions.
With information changing minute to minute and the overall pressure of the unknown over all.
While I saw the resolve of a large agency workforce – even if it wasn’t always pretty – we made it through one of the toughest weeks.

There was a lot of “hard”.
Struggles to make “office situations” become workable from home.
Shifting very serious policies and procedures to best accommodate the situation so the people we care for could still be cared for.
Deciding who worked from where and when. Who still needed to see people, who could briefly go to the office or not.
Figuring out how that all gets tracked and documented without having our usual tools.

The only thing that I ended up noting that did not make sense was the appearance of adding a new “initiative/task” as an “emergency” thing to do this same week. I still am questioning WHY? Why right then in the midst of a pandemic crisis did something become emergent? When staff were already uneasy, confused, and stressed. To me this was poor timing and a poor choice to inflict such unnecessary and undue added stress on a workforce that is NEEDED so desperately to remain healthy!

We all know these days that added stress lowers ones immune system and thus increases risk for illnesses. THIS is NOT the time to add stress! Even if there is something that is immediately needed (as was the case for many first responding agencies) there are different ways to approach that with an already stressed staff.

These are unprecedented times and we NEED people in leadership positions that will start thinking, behaving, and then acting compassionately. Not dictating or power mongering keeping people stuck in their fear, anxiety and worry.

This can easily hold true for any of us in any roll. Parents toward their kids, friends to other friends, bosses to employees, spouse to spouse..ect. if we ourselves don’t recognize where we are functioning from, we can all easily slip into this place of fear, anger, resentment etc – and then it can tend to lead to actions of over controlling.

Or course there are also some not so nice people out there who have no desire or interest in noting anything about themselves and will take this type of opportunity to run over as many people as they can – and to those people WE may need to open our mouths and have a voice to say that it is NOT OK when it crosses our personal boundaries.

Not because we are “better” but because in our hearts we recognize that it does not meet with our own integrity. This is our point of choice. Say something, yet we may still have to realize that if there is no change, WE then choose to stay or go.

I realize this can be a tough one to sort through. I struggle here frequently. So I try to remember- that it is the WISDOM to know the difference in what our true essentials are, after all… 😉

Peace, love, and blessings
❤ Shiela

DON’T PANIC–BREATHE by Bryan Moss

Fellow Souls, as of this writing, we are currently experiencing global panic. The circumstances surrounding the coronavirus are in the news, the latest topic of conversations and in our minds. People are stockpiling various supplies. Anything from canned goods to household items are leaving the shelves of stores. Many are conjuring in their minds end of the world scenarios.

My advice to you?

STOP IT!!!

Instead of buying into the manipulative, government-induced fears slow down, think clearly, use common sense and give yourself credit. Remember that bird flu virus? Remember SARS? All of the media-induced panic years ago back then? What became of them? Eventually, they all fizzled out. Stop looking for every shred of evidence that we’ll all die from the coronavirus. Use the same common sense you would use for any other flu virus. Stop looking at the news all the time to get “the latest” “up to date” whatever. It’s all designed to make everyone paranoid. Paranoia breeds fear.

Let me make something clear. I’m not suggesting we put our heads in the ground and ignore world events. It is our job to BE AWARE, not to be afraid. To keep ourselves informed is one thing. But to buy into the fear put out by the media will not serve anyone. Hysteria promotes powerlessness.

The worst thing any of us can do is start isolating ourselves from each other. We need to do the opposite. Come together and support one another. This is what our physical bodies, not to mention our souls, are meant to do. Educate one another. Keep our diets clean. Get exercise. And more importantly, harness our own powers by looking within. Connect with our essence. Meditate. Get outside in nature. Listen to our real brains, OUR HEARTS. Rely on our self-guidance. Maintaining our health physically, mentally and spiritually/energetically is of vital importance. Having peace within isn’t about isolating ourselves from a panicky world, sitting in the lotus position and humming a mantra. Self-mastery is about being amidst times like these and connecting/supporting one another while experiencing peace within.

I care about all of you.

It’s going to get whackier out there before it gets better. Don’t buy into the fear. That’s worst than the coronavirus. Give yourselves some credit and think with your Heart.

Consider this the public service announcement we should be receiving if the powers to be really did care about our well being.

The Grace I’ve been Given for my AA “birthday”

The Grace I’ve been Given for my AA “birthday”
By Shiela Reed
The grace I’ve been given started with a choice I made. Each and every time it’s been about me relinquishing my pride just enough to allow for a change that has healed me a little more than the day before.
Sometimes these have been very obvious pivotal moments that created a very different path. Other times it’s been very subtle.
During times of deep reflection and contemplation I become very aware of the blessing of Grace and am reminded that I am to be grateful for these opportunities to grow, even when they have tested me to what I think are my limits and I wonder why…This is my truth from when I turned to AA 14 years ago. As one of the pivotal BIG moments that changed the trajectory of my life. That choice was a stepping stone to multiple others and the things I’ve been open to learn about myself simply wouldn’t have been able to take hold without that one decision.
There’s no doubt I was a “hot mess”. Even if most people didn’t even see it that way. It wasn’t as “obvious” on the outside. There were binges enough but not exactly what many people would “add up” to being “a problem”. Sure, later, it may have made sense as an “oh yeah, I could see that” – but a small few really could see…

I was broken inside – but not unmendable. My “link” to my soul self had big gaps and while I saw and knew it was there, the distance between that and what my mind was seeing as “reality” – felt like the Grand Cannon. So I suffered silently and alone. Bouncing back and forth across this “canyon”. Touching base with my true self quietly yet not being able to fully connect it with a “true” living life. This kept me “unwell” and separate. Separate from Source and struggling to have a true connection with myself and others. When I was able to admit the damage and totality of what was being affected INSIDE ME… THAT was when it changed.I barely remember or recognize that life anymore. I think fondly of the times and “fun” and less of the pain since working through all that years ago, but I stay forever aware of the underlying components that create room for backsliding and relapses – of spirit and intention- that could negatively affect my inner integrity and ultimately have the potential to lead me to detrimental choices and behaviors.

My journey of self reflection and personal growth is a real matter of true “life or death” for me. No it isn’t always perfect, nor will it ever be. I have as many rough days as great ones, but I try my best to be thankful for them all.

While I find some interest and satisfaction and even elements of importance in reflection… I know it cannot become stuck lamenting over “should haves” or “could haves”. Each day is new and I have something new to learn. I am no longer that person, yet that person is very much a part of me. Just as our childhoods or pasts are no longer “us” and doesn’t need to “define”/confine us.. they are still very much a PART of us.I may run back into people from my past, I am sure I remember things “differently”.. it is interesting to reflect- but know that I am a new person with new things about me to get to know. That’s the relationship I have with myself today because I’ve been blessed to have it… one choice at a time.

It truly is a “one day at a time” focus that helps maintain neutrality and keeps us from getting stuck in the past or becoming too afraid of the future.

Today I am even more aware of the importance of not going back into the darkness of silence. I do not need to boast or brag or have an egotistical type of pride. (One that is based on thinking it is ALL my doing.) I know this is not the full truth. YES, it is MY choice, and for that I AM proud. Yet I realize to have the opportunity, to be open, and be shown those windows to my soul, is a divine blessing from somewhere greater than me.

For this sharing and oneness of sacred space, I am forever humbled and grateful as my soul/true self connects with my creator and the Divine.

Thank you for another year, another moment in time…

Much love and blessings and thanks for sharing this special time with me. ❤

Shiela

The Only TRUE Currency by Bryan Moss

When looking into one’s future we’re brought up to look at any currency as a commodity for survival. Our focus is the immediate cash we use to accumulate things such as the basics like groceries, shelter, and clothing. Then there are the more intangible things like investments for our future or acquiring knowledge. More than likely, during these times of uncertainty for the world’s future, a currency usually equals paper bills, copper, silver, and gold.

When learning energy work for yourself you learn these are all basic needs of our ego. The ego being hot-wired to our survival mechanism. I can’t blame the ego. If it weren’t for my ego I wouldn’t know the basics of safety. Moving out of the way of an oncoming vehicle, thinking twice before approaching a bear, and literally keeping my head above water when swimming so I can breathe are all advantages to experiencing my ego. However, going beyond the basic currency of survival I suggest there is one currency that is often overlooked by the majority of the collective. The wisest investors, bankers, entrepreneurs, and families rarely use this one currency. It is often mistaken as an inconvenient form of currency with no real value and nothing to gain although it has tremendous investment opportunities and has been known to give back thousands in returns. Guaranteed to alleviate stress and bring an abundance of happiness and fulfillment into your life.

Ready to read about an excellent investment opportunity? FORGIVENESS.

“Uh”, you say? “WTF?”

Advances in science and psychology have shown that holding grudges and experiencing anger towards others and self contributes to less creativity, less problem-solving, increased stress, and major anxiety.

I know from my personal life this is true. I’m currently experiencing a situation with a close family member that wreaks of forgiveness opportunities yet I’m finding it difficult to get there……yet. But I’m proud to say, like Michaelangelo chiseling away at his David statue, I’m chipping away at the grudges and feelings of injustice I have towards this family member. And I’m feeling lighter day by day. Now I’m not dancing on my coffee table, doing cartwheels and feeling nothing but blissful love about the whole dynamics of our situation. But once I stopped thinking of me only and came from trying to really understand the family member’s way of thinking I find myself having a little more understanding and compassion from where this member is coming from. Do I agree with their demeanor? No. However, another little “nugget of truth” revealed itself during this process.

I’ve had layers and layers of buried anger and grudges towards this family member from years and years of perceived injustices. Experiences that I wasn’t willing to acknowledge for a variety of reasons. Talk about doing some homework! I’ll be the first to admit it’s not pain-free homework. Reflecting back then the reason I buried those memories is that I didn’t want to experience the full pain and anger while being afraid to express those feelings. Or I should say, my ego (mind) didn’t want to experience and express those feelings. In order for my ego to thrive and survive it broke out the snow shovel and buried those feelings deep within thinking it could forget everything and move on.

Being an energy worker I know the first person I have to forgive for burying those unexpressed feelings is myself. How do I do that? By understanding that my ego didn’t know any better, survival being its sole purpose of existence. Then I was able to cut myself some slack and forgive myself for being hard on myself for burying the gunk, to begin with. If I knew better I would have done better. This also applies to this member of my family, if they knew better they would have done better. I spend at least five minutes a day closing my eyes and talking to my “inside self” and see what comes up. In my case, about this family member. Then I ALLOW it to come up in whatever shape or form. Anger, frustration, tears, are all welcomed. From doing energy work I’ve learned to fully re-experience those emotions. I’m able to let go of the past. In allowing those buried feelings to surface I’m freeing up tons of energy. Energy that I can put towards more creative endeavors and experiences.

Another perk from working on forgiveness? I find myself giving more, in the most unexpected ways. Holding the store’s door open for another customer to enter before I do, giving my spare change to the soul holding the cardboard sign on the street corner, or giving a simple smile to the clerk are quickly becoming automatic gestures of kindness without my ego’s interference. I find myself grinning inside and out.

I’m still working on total forgiveness for this family member. Unlike what my ego wants me to think I know I’m not perfect and know I have to be patient with myself and stop projecting any negative feelings towards this person. I know the more I let go, the more I grow.

The truth is the more I let go……..my forgiveness account grows. The best currency there is!

“Check, please.”

A REMINDER: THE SELF HEALING PRAYER CIRCLE

On the LAST MONDAY OF EVERY MONTH we offer a FREE service to the public we call The Self Healing Prayer Circle. The next session will be Monday, July 29th, 7 PM Pacific Standard Time (USA). To register please contact Bryan at:

bryan@theheartspath.net

Take the first step to take of yourself and your challenges.

To see if this is a service that feels right for you, please click on the Services page and read the description and intention of The Self Healing Prayer Circle. Again, this a FREE service.

Please have a safe and healthy New Year!

 

SAY YES TO YOURSELF by Bryan Moss

I’ve noticed many people on the spiritual path don’t have an issue when it comes to helping others in need, it’s when asked if they’ve accepted and love themselves they tend to give some interesting reactions.
The most common reaction is one of being slightly annoyed, responding with an empty, “Of course I accept and love myself.”
Some people are caught off guard with that question because they never even thought about the subject.
Then some people look at you with, “What do you mean?

THE TRUTH IS many on the spiritual journey aren’t used to accepting and giving themselves love. Don’t get me wrong, most have noble intentions and mean well. However, they’re always projecting love out to others first. Like being on auto-pilot. They believe that their sole duty is to serve others, putting themselves on the back burner.

I know I’m going to catch a lot of flack for what I’m going to say next, but these are my true feelings and I wouldn’t be true to my soul if I sugar-coated what I believe just to make readers happy.

In my opinion “sacrifice” is a dirty nine-letter word. I think sacrificing oneself is the ego’s way of making someone feel like they’re special. On a “special mission” to save mankind. To be a “holy hero” among fellow souls. I’ve touched on this in different ways in my previous writings. Putting yourself on the back burner shows you don’t really care about your own well being. Think about it. What difference can you make for others when you don’t care enough to tend to your own needs? What good are you? If you don’t care of your own business first how are you going to be able to give the full, proper attention to anyone else? And I mean taking care of yourself on all levels. Emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually. Getting enough rest, enough water intake, proper nutrition, exercising on a regular basis, having a regular meditation routine, the list goes on.

Self -Love is NOT about loving yourself, it’s about learning the truth about yourself. Read that line again and let it really sink in. Self-Love is NOT about loving yourself, it’s about LEARNING THE TRUTH ABOUT YOURSELF. And ONLY then, when you begin to learn the truth about yourself, can you begin to accept, forgive, and then love yourself FIRST. Only then can you move on and compassionately give that acceptance, forgiveness, and love to others.

It’s no big secret that you can’t accept another person’s faults until you’ve accepted similar faults within your own self. The energetic rule of thumb is, if someone is doing something that makes you angry, or hurt, or even slightly irritated, then you most likely have those same qualities in you that are unresolved. We’re all mirrors of one another. Our egos don’t want us to acknowledge this but it’s true.

The same applies to forgiveness. Have you ever been told by someone they forgive you and it seems ‘robot-like’? It’s just because ‘they’re spiritual’ and this makes them bigger than you because, after all, that’s what spiritual people do is forgive? Start taking an honest look at yourself. Notice any shame or guilt you kept stored inside you for months or most likely YEARS. The stuff you can’t seem to look at again. But do it with a soft eye and remember at that time you handled the experience the best you could. Even if you knew at the time it was a stupid mistake, then acknowledge you made a stupid choice. This is when you begin to take true responsibility for yourself. Forgive yourself for any harm you did at the time, whether it was to yourself or others. Only then can you unconditionally start forgiving others and grow during your journey.
Accepting the truth about yourself is the only way you can even begin to accept the truth about others. It’s not even about two sides of the coin, coming from Yourself vs. Them. The truth is people life is a one-sided coin. We all deal with the same experiences in different shapes and forms. The sooner you wake up to that fact the sooner you’ll begin to eliminate frustration and victimhood from your path.

Here’s another line I’ll probably get grief over: You’re wasting your time giving to others until you unconditionally give to yourself. Everything I’ve previously said applies to this fact. Be vigilant in rediscovering all of the corners in your shadow’s closet. But do it without judging yourself. Acknowledge it and move on. You don’t need permission from anyone to liberate those hidden emotions within. Let me put it this way…..you’re eventually going to do it anyway. Whether it’s now from your own honest efforts or on your death bed. Most people, out of fear, wait until circumstances appear that have them contemplating all of this for months, weeks, days, and at times..moments before they know they’re going to die. It’s only then they realize all of those ‘hidden truths’ were not that important to keep hidden. It’s only then they realize all of the wasted effort and energy it took for them NOT to be truthful with themselves. All of that effort and energy….which could’ve been utilized in more supportive and productive ways, for themselves, and then for others.

DON’T WAIT. Don’t procrastinate in taking a look at the truth of yourself. The number one dreaded enemy of procrastination is “the sooner the easier”.
Say “YES” to discovering all of the truth about yourself.
Why wait?

“Come To The Cliff” by Bryan Moss

In the late 1990s, I came across a poem shared by a metaphysician and philosopher Stuart Wilde. It spoke volumes to me and on one of my cross country visits I read it to my dad. Sometime later, in the early 2000’s, he called asking me to send him a copy of the poem.

Fast forward to December 2017, I was visiting dad. At the time dad was using the wheelchair on a regular basis. One evening, after dinner, he inquired about that poem again. I asked him why that poem made such an impression on him. He thought it illustrated one’s undying faith in our Creator.

I recently returned from my father’s funeral services. The minister asked that his family members submit their reflections of our father in writing, to insert into the service program and those attending could read them. At the conclusion of what I wrote, I included the following poem. As far as I know, the author is unknown.

I’d love to share that poem with you.

*************************

COME TO THE CLIFF

“Come to the cliff,” he said.

They said, “But we’re afraid.”

“Come to the cliff,” he said.

They came.

He pushed them.

And they flew.

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BE YOUR OWN JOURNEY by Bryan Moss

Be your own journey. What do I mean by that?

**Don’t make “searching out there” for answers your priority. There’s a difference between educating yourself and constantly seeking. Rely more on your intuition, gut, inner guidance, hunches, (all of which is basically coming from your Heart) because all of that is coming from within yourself. Think about it. Who knows YOU better than YOU? A textbook? A Guru? A priest? I don’t think so. All of those can be good guideposts, or suggestions, to help you on your journey. But who REALLY knows you? An honest look will reveal…….. it’s yourself.

**Don’t compare your journey to others. You can have 100 people be of the same religion, attend the same church, all go to that place of worship at the same time of the week, and have the same belief systems and….so what? Each individual is on their own journey. Each is unique in how they go about their own quest. 100 people may sing the same song, recite the same prayer together, and listen to the church practitioner together, attend the exact same service/ritual, but the only one quality they will have in common is….they WON’T have the same spiritual journey.
After all, this is not a race to see who gets “there” before the other, or who “gets it” first. Us humanoids are so conditioned, early in life, to compare ourselves to others that we don’t realize it. It becomes second nature fast. Look at nature. Do you think if you planted an evergreen tree next to an oak tree the trees are going to care who grows the tallest? Comparing your “progress” (I hate that term) to another’s is a waste of energy. Be comfortable in your own skin. “Know” wherever you’re at in the present is exactly where you need to be for your own journey. All paths/journeys lead to the same source.

**Be your own expert. How? Duh? Get to know yourself. Be relentless to find the true you. Be honest with yourself at all costs. This loops back to my first point. No one really knows you better than You. If your health isn’t the greatest and you’re tired of going to doctors with little, if no results, start educating yourself on your condition. Don’t be afraid to be your own lab rat and experiment on yourself. Don’t be afraid to look outside of the box.
You find that you’re curious about which belief system to adopt? Explore all belief systems and choose the one that resonates. Better yet, do the unthinkable…create your own belief system. Who says you can’t? Do what works for you, not what works for others.

**Don’t sit around expecting answers to come to you. You have to go to the answers. In other words, don’t procrastinate. Be active. Sure, there’s a time for being still and reflecting. There’s a time for meditating. And just as importantly, there’s always time to actually DO something. I heard a saying years ago, “God (Universe..Source..insert whatever you call that) helps those that help themselves”.
In other words, take responsibility for yourself and don’t give it away to other people. That’s a dead-end street. Listen to your Heart, not the rational mind of the crowd. Eventually, be your own expert. Refer to an earlier post I wrote, “YOUR HEART’S BRAIN”, for more on this particular point.

Take the above steps and eliminate years of frustration. Trust me. I wish I did. I think of all of the energy I spent towards externalizing my efforts when I should’ve been putting all of that energy towards responsibility for my own being. Don’t expect “experts” to have all of the answers if any at all when it comes to your-SELF. Don’t misunderstand me. There are some wonderful GUIDElines out there but FEEL them out first. USE WHAT’S USEFUL FOR YOU AND THROW OUT THE REST.

Take the one and only proven true path…Be YOUR OWN Journey. The tickets are cheaper and you won’t have to put up with smaller airline seats. (wink)

OUR CRITICAL INNER VOICE: THE SEQUEL by Bryan Moss

Before you set eyes on this blog you may want to check out my previous blogs where the first blog I wrote, when creating Your Heart’s Wisdom, is titled OUR CRITICAL INNER VOICE. It’s not really necessary but it definitely touches on aspects concerning that little dominant voice in our head that can really play games, screw us up, and make us believe it’s for our best intentions…WHEN IT’S NOT.
I get an inquiry, once in a while, in regards to the critical inner voice and how to handle it. Apparently, after reading OUR CRITICAL INNER VOICE a few readers started to take notice and realized that little voice in their head wasn’t the “real” them/ or “you”.

This particular chapter, or sequel if you will, of OUR CRITICAL INNER VOICE, is about IDEALIZATIONS. Our C.I.V. (critical inner voice), or Ego, or mind, or (insert name) loves for us to think we have to live up to certain rules, or regulations, or morals, or standards in order to be the “ideal” student, or human, or soul. We exhaust our energy trying to live up to an established image which, in reality, is impossible to achieve. These idealizations, most likely, were programmed in us at an early age through life’s experiences. Of course, those experiences arose from a multitude of sources. Parents, school teachers, religious influences, and peers are all possible contributors. Not to mention from outside agencies such as social media, news, or good old Hollywood by-products (television, movies, commercials, youtube, etc.). “Set Standards” to live up too. Let me give you a personal example.

If you’ve read my brief bio you know I was raised by a minister. I had all sorts of dogma programmed into me. Certain “ideals” to live by. Anything Bible-related, of course. Then there was the social expectations of being a preacher’s son. These expectations had me thinking I had to be a step ahead of others. In a weird way, those expectations had me being a rebel in many ways. I guess one could say I was a “closet rebel”. Haha! I kept to myself conflicting thoughts and feelings pertaining to how I was “suppose to be”. I was slowly going against the “norm”. Very confusing times consisting of pain, anger, sadness, and nobody to share my thoughts with.
ONE OF THOSE IDEALS: we are all supposed to have perfect, loving relationships with all family members. The 1960s LEAVE IT TO BEAVER television series kind of family relations. Ward and June were the gentle and understanding parents with their sons Wally and Theodore, nicknamed Beaver. Whatever conflicts the family had everyone lived happily ever after in a lovey-dovey respectful manner. All family members went to bed every night with smiles on their faces. I grew up thinking all family members had each other’s back.
Flash forward to my high school years and my mother wasn’t such a nice person towards me. She had mood swings, with me not knowing when she was going to lash out at me. Most of the time it was over the most ridiculous things. I couldn’t wait to leave the house, and the moment I had a chance to get a scholarship in college I went for it, got it, and got the hell out of there. I was hurt and damaged goods with very low self-esteem. I was Mr. Victim personified!

What saved my butt was that “closet rebel” within myself. I became a seeker of sorts. No longer under the religious dogma of my parents, I looked into a variety of religions, philosophies, hobbies, you name it. My brother called me the black sheep of the family.
You can only imagine when my family found out I was learning how to walk on fire in my late 20’s. Judgments definitely came out at me big time. In their minds, I was definitely playing with dark influences, or even “the devil”. Whenever I shared I was enrolling in any type of mind expansion course, or alternate spiritual teachings, I was considered “misguided”. Whenever I came home to visit my mother made sure I received a fair dose of guilt and doubt in whatever I was pursuing. All along I was hurt that I wasn’t living up to my mother’s expectations of me. I was supposed to get married and have her grandchildren by the time I was 30. Sorry, mom (not really).
I frowned upon seeking had me learning there was a difference between “love” and “like”. I eventually came to terms that, though I loved my mom because she was my mom, I didn’t like her as a person. Now that really messed with my ideal mom/son relationship. I learned that even though you loved a family member it was perfectly okay NOT to like the person they were.
In my early 30’s my mother called me up one Saturday morning.

“Son, I have something I need to tell you.”
“Okay, mom.”
She informed me, “I just kicked a 15-year addiction to valium.”

BOOM!
I did the math. That meant she started to take valium when I was 16 years old. Now those mood swings and bouts of irrational anger, all of a sudden, made sense. No wonder I didn’t have it a LEAVE IT TO BEAVER upbringing. After mom shared about her addiction I slowly was able to forgive all of those irrational experiences I had with her. It wasn’t easy, and it took a number of years to release those memories of anguish but I was able to eventually forgive her.

Years later I was able to recontextualize those events, and the actions of my mom, with compassion. If my mom knew better she would’ve done better. But at that time of her life her only “out”, or way to cope with whatever she was dealing with, was to resort to valium to “calm her down”, or to put it in energetic terms, to “numb” her from dealing with her life in a more supportive way. Being a registered nurse, those were the tools available for her to use. If you have a problem, get medicated to take care of it. That was her way of thinking. Under the influence of that drug, she was raising me the best way she knew how too. In my 30’s, I gradually learned how to like my mom as a person, but it did take a while.

Idealizations can really mess you up. If I wasn’t programmed into thinking families have to be picture-perfect, but instead raised with the teachings of members being allowed to express themselves according to their own heart’s desire, I might’ve been spared a lot of painful growing experiences.

Not to say there isn’t a lot to be said about basic morals, but all of collective society’s IDEALS are purely based on what they were taught when they grew up…and then living their lives thinking those are the laws of the lands and imposing them, at times with various types of force. Whether that force is shame, guilt, fear, or punishment of any kind. “Prisoners” of their own ideals (constructs) teaching/raising others to become “prisoners” and all along believing they are free and teaching love.

THE KICKER: The CRITICAL INNER VOICE LOVES IDEALIZATIONS. Ideals are safe. They’re predictable. The mind loves “knowing” what’s next. Ideals serve as road maps to how we should behave. Ideals are already planned out preconceived lives for us. Does the term “robot” ring a bell? They have nothing to do with living from the Heart. The thinking mind can’t imagine living without ideals/constructs. Anything out of that “box” induces fear. And we’re already taught how fear is to be avoided and NOT experienced (which is another falsehood). We’re not raised to even conceive that the Heart has its own brain. To feel from the Heart, make decisions from the Heart, and not our C.I.V.. (Refer to a previous blog THE HEART’S BRAIN to learn about our second and REAL brain).

Be careful beautiful souls. Idealizations are not our friends. If anything, do the opposite of any ideals. If the crowd is moving towards the right, quietly walk to the left. The crowd, out of fear, will say you’ll be lonely. Gently give them a smile, knowing that looking within your Heart there’s a whole loving world that welcomes you, thus, you can never be alone. Keep walking towards the left.
Lose the idealizations…..then you’ll be on the path to FREEDOM.

Knowing Someone… What to Consider

Knowing someone… what to consider.

By Shiela Reed

It’s funny how we can think we know someone through social media..or simple encounters and forget these “reflections” are just glimpses of a whole. These partial aspect of a person, come forward for many reasons and it can be easy to “judge” or “perceive” as if we know them.

I imagine this is often how celebrities must feel, as they put forth a part of them or a projection but have many more components that are missed by those that don’t “know them” deeply or personally.
We all do this, we all even share and project without thinking why we are even doing it. Sometimes we are left wondering why we received certain “reactions” – without realizing we may have kind of “invited it”. Yet we hope for and usually are wishing for something else.

Our depth of mindfulness helps us gain some navigation skills in these areas and I always find it interesting how I (we) can fluctuate so much from day to day.
This is the part that has my most attention and awareness these days as the true effort (in my “world” anyway) is being able to learn how to stay closer to the “center”. It is and can be a daily challenge. We are human beings after all.. with free will. We do not all choose the same. We do not see things the same. Yet the many underlying similarities are very much the same. Call them “innate needs” maybe but it goes deeper than that. A deeper desire for compassion, love, and understanding. The other layers of emotions block us from seeing THOSE similarities. Fear, guilt, shame, hate.. take us in the opposite direction and it becomes hard to “see” our own truth.

So we project, we reach out in awkward ways. We assume we know others when we don’t. Others assume they know us, when they don’t. We can easily feel struggles of the insecurities and loneliness this brings and if we succumb to that or become stuck on that loop… the despair, depression, hopelessness, and anxiety that we have “lost control” takes over.

It is my hope that we all are given the Grace and find the opportunities to be REAL people with one another. Minus our judgements and freeing us up to be ok with choosing who is “good for us” (and wanted in our lives) and who is not. While also remembering it is absolutely OK when someone else chooses that we are not for them. It means nothing more than that we are not a good match. Or maybe even not a good match “anymore”. It is OK.

It’s a bit ironic maybe that we also need to learn to do this for ourselves as well. Letting go of habits, routines, thought patterns, etc that no longer serve our higher good, can be just as tough, but equally necessary for our growth.
I guess I share this as a long version of my own thought process and feeling into my emotions utilizing Facebook as one of my main social media platforms. I both enjoy it and dislike it. I have learned I have to be VERY aware of the technological manipulation that surrounds us and how easy it is to “get played”. I’m actually a rather private person. While I will “share” things, I am very conscious of the fact that it is “out there” and can never be taken back. I do not want to “fear” it, but it is a reality. I also know that when I am feeling that place of loneliness and disconnectedness – this (i.e. social media- Facebook) can be both a place of huge support or a driver of further sadness and loneliness. So, yes it can be hard to “choose” how I will “react” – and it is much more so when I don’t know why I am even trying to “know” someone else when I don’t know where I am at for that moment.

I’m kind of laughing right now as I think of the many ways I’ve wanted to “lash out” on Facebook when I am feeling no responses or unsupported. I’ve thought about closing it out completely, I’ve thought I’d do a “lecture” to my “friends” – I’ve thought I’d silently just let it go and delete everyone and start over with individual friend requests. Lol Then I realize it’s silly to have spent that time on something that isn’t even vital to my daily life. Yet I acknowledge my enjoyment on being “in touch” with as many people out there as possible because there is no other platform to do so in such magnitude.

So, I am reminded to “take it all with a grain of salt” – enjoy the parts that like, remember I only know the aspects of people as they show me and they only know me for what I choose to show them. Beyond that, the closest parts of my life are within me and those I choose to physically, emotionally and energetically surround myself with… and the same is true for each of  you.  🙂

Many blessings and open awareness to all – Shiela 🙂