For most of us our mind is non stop and busy, busy, busy. Some call it brain noise. Some religious groups refer to it as the devil. Counselors diagnose it as the unconscious. Shrinks peg it as the ego. However the term that I prefer to use is Critical Inner Voice (C.I.V.) or Ego.
You know what I mean. That “voice” in your head that’s non stop all day and possibly throughout the night. I know it second guesses everything I try to decide on. Then when I do decide on something? The C.I.V. presents another choice or another scenario. Then that makes me have doubts about the original choice I made because, after all..”If it was the right choice to begin with then why would other options present themselves afterwards?”
Or it loves to judge and argue and show others how “special” I am because I have a different perception on something. It motivates me, in a very sneaky and stealthy way, to “prove” myself. It has me thinking I need to “defend” my ways and views. It can lead me into a false sense of security by accumulating “stuff”. The latest electronic gizmos, gadgets, toys, accessories, properties, books, knowledge…. blah, blah, blah, and more blah. The absolute worse it can and WILL do….make me believe that I am THAT….. my Critical Inner Voice is my actual identity.
Now you can’t blame me. I, along with the collective (everyone else on the planet), was raised to believe this. However, many are starting to realize this is not the case. We’re not this meat sack of flesh (with no disrespect to our 3-D bodies–they need love too) containing a “soul”, “energy body”, “being”, _______(insert believe system). Our C.I.V. will always put our flesh/brain in first place mode, first and foremost. It wants to make it the center of our universe.
There lies the rub. Back in cave man days we used the C.I.V./Ego for basic survival mode. “MMMM..me hungry.” Then the primitives would go pick berries. “MMMMM…me thirsty.” They would drink from a stream. “MMMMM…EEEKKK!” They start running from the T-Rex about to eat them. Over the years dinosaurs no longer existed. Our Egos needed other things to occupy it’s mind. Thus, judgement, criticism, second guessing and self importance became only a few of the many tools/toys created to distract the collective from that one truth… we are NOT our mind/body with a soul inside of it. It’s the other way around. We ARE light bodies/souls with a body.
Light Bodies = Energetic Bodies using the 3-D body as a vehicle.
Where does the C.I.V./Ego fit within this paradigm? The 1960’s and 70’s movements pushed the ideas that by eliminating the voices in our heads all of our problems could be solved and enlightenment attained. They insisted we had to be sitting in the lotus position to show how we were really dedicated to the spiritual path and eventually rewarded by having no Ego/C.I.V. at all! No wonder everyone is dazed and confused. That is just not possible. Wake up and give up that whole enlightenment B.S.!!!
I learned through teachings and good ole’ trial and error it’s not about erasing my C.I.V./Ego. The Ego is part of the hard wire in our brain. As referred to before, it’s our survival mechanism with one purpose only….protection at no expense. So I’m learning it’s about ACCEPTING the fact I do have an Ego/C.I.V. that’s a part of me as much as my right arm is a part of my body. And out of that acceptance I have found that instead of buying into and being distracted by the “brain noise’ of life, it’s about observing that “brain noise” and possibly learning how it’s not my True Self. My True Self FEELS from my Heart. It’s my feelings that discern my journey’s decisions as I move forward. Not the ramblings of my C.I.V./Ego. Referring to the picture above….I’m not all of those balloons, as my C.I.V. would have me believe. They’re distractions from acknowledging the truth.
By paying 100% attention to putting one foot forward at a time, being totally present, and using my Heart’s intuition, all the while accepting the “brain noise” for what it is…..dealing with my C.V.I./Ego is a little easier.
A personal journal share by Shiela Reed
This post is a bit different from the others as it has a bit more “energy worker” lingo in it so for those that “get that”… maybe you can relate. For those that are just starting to “relate”… I hope this resonates at a deeper level and opens more paths of personal awareness for you…
I’ve been in this interesting space the last couple weeks. During my vacation last week I found myself in what felt like “the void”. It was a most beautiful time of replenishment. My mind had planned to spend time being “creative” but my system really needed stillness and “presentness”, so that’s what I did. It helped a lot to re-strengthen my awareness as it was starting to be a little cloudy with mind chatter overlay. I’m really noticing my physical body feelings now when these things shift and occur which is really cool! I am noticing so much of the “inner conversations” that used to occur without my awareness and now I am able to interject, redirect, or even stop if it is not matching my heart at the moment or something I don’t purposely choose (I still choose ego stuff sometimes but am more conscious of it most days) 😊
It’s just been difficult to “rejoin” my physical world this time though. It’s hard to explain. It felt different. Like I chose to be “back”… yet there was no feeling of “down/despair/disappointment” nor any “high/giddiness/excitement”… just a feeling of being fully present in my body and my moment. Noticing, acknowledging and accepting it all. It felt so different physically I kind of didn’t want to move. At one point (maybe last night) I noticed my 5th and 6th chakras were too wide open and “information” was dumping in so fast it kind of gave me a slight headache. It also made my mental mind overload so I had to ask those areas to close up some!
Anyway, it’s been different and I wanted to share. My mind and ego parts are sure trying to judge and play that game with me about “not doing or being enough”… but I’m keeping it called into the light of my heart for the most part which has helped me “process” from that space. The main issue seems connected to knowing I have “knowledge” of things I can do, but I have both a feeling of “I want to, but I don’t want to”… so I’m still working through some new layers of where that is coming from. How I want it to look but not be so controlling about it all.. it’s so interesting to “wrestle” with how to have front end (projected) motivation and desire without the ego leading it. That now seems obvious as to why that is “together”, but my point is a bit of why I suspect changes have not really transitioned, my “passion” part isn’t fully active anywhere yet… or does it really have to be? Maybe that’s another form of an ego trap! Jeesh I have talked myself into a circle now. Lol.
Well, regardless, I have definitely found some new information behind it, so I’ll see where that leads me next. To be continued…
love and light,
2019..new beginnings. I find myself being very thankful and grateful. In retrospect, I’m thankful my insides were turned outward, sideways and upside down all last year. Peeling away the layers and layers of my ‘false self’ and revealing my True Self…I know that’s part of the journey. If I don’t do the journey, I don’t grow and learn more about myself.
**I’m grateful for my very dysfunctional family. In the grand scheme of things I know I’ve selected all of the players/actors in my 3D life for my growth. I’ve learned how to establish boundaries, let them go about their journey the way they wish to do it, and stop judging them and having expectations of them.
**I’m grateful I decided to sign up for the Heart Warrior program through transCodes, in March of 2016. Little did I know then the beautiful and loving relationships I’ve had the honor to develop with others in the transCodes community, with similar resonances to mine.
**I’m grateful to have learned what I’ve learned with energy work and how it relates to me.
**I’m grateful I respected and loved myself enough to kick myself in the butt to learn, not only energy work, but discovering new elements of my own energies.
**I’m grateful I’m starting to get the feeling of “letting go”. It feels like only in spurts, but at least it’s happening, and those moments are getting longer and longer.
**I’m grateful I’m finally giving myself permission to fuck up and not feel like a jerk whenever I do.
**I’m grateful I’m part of this website, which allows me a platform to share and perhaps prompt a visitor to go within for answers, and if they’re already on a journey, encourages them to continue on, no matter what the challenges are.
**I’m grateful for the obvious, and not so obvious, lessons Mother Earth continues to teach me.
**I’m at a point in my spiritual journey where I look forward to anything that’s NOT comfortable, in regards to myself, so I can learn from it.
**I’m grateful I’m not judging others, or situations, as much as I use too. For when you’re judging anything, all you’re doing is judging yourself, right?
**I’m grateful to “own” my journey and not blame my life’s circumstances on others.
**I’m grateful I can eventually laugh at myself whenever I screw up.
**Lastly, I’m grateful I Love myself…my True Self…a Light Being of Source.
May Peace and Laughter saturate your loving Soul throughout 2019.
Bryan…….the Light Being (batteries included)
A year in review.. while there have been majorly significant events occur in my personal life, it has also been a year of major shifting of energies for everyone across time and space.
Our world is always changing and while there have been large shifts in history, this year is one of them for us in this lifetime. While this time is one of transformation, we all are feeling the mental, emotional, and even physical effects of the energetic shifts of the universe that we do not “see”… there is a HOPE for a future of peace.
There is such a natural desire to reflect and ponder on our year(s) past, while also dreaming into the next year and our future ones. Yet innately we know we cannot linger in either place too long. The memories of the past and the activities of the future only exist TODAY. And this is when we create our new awareness.
While it is important to have our moments and live in the experiences full of all kinds of emotions, I am reminded that my fears of losing memories and/or of not being able to control an outcome often sidetrack me from what I’m needing to be present for and truly save within my heart.
I have struggled this year with anger, frustration and loss. I have also found deep meaning and profound balance. I have found peace in solitude as well as my way back to interest in connecting with people of my own choosing. I have felt weak, sad, and alone but less lonely. I have felt fierce, strong, and confident.
My experiences have been many… there has been much self reflection and following of inner guidance. I have felt an incredible shift within myself and the collective as a whole. I’ve closed the year sharing a level of vulnerability that I have frequently been too uncomfortable to share, only to find my greatest strength.
Although the last few years of contemplation and self awareness work have been necessary and much needed. (Much like a winter slumber or change of season) I feel it is time for activity and movement… a time of positive change and fruition.
I am ever so grateful to have the new tools to appreciate one of the most heartbreaking times and then one of the most rewarding times of my life this year. (I will write on these at a different time when prompted to do so) Instead at this moment I am being asked to share this broader reflection and message of a year ending and a new year beginning.
My desire is to add positive energy to this year.. I hope to continue to grow more personally and increase the opportunities for sharing of my gifts of support and guidance to those that wish to have my assistance.
This year I encourage us all to spread kindness not gossip
Share love not hate
Allow all feelings, let go of the outcomes and enjoy the experiences by being present in each and every moment.
I hope you will join me…
Peace, Love, and Blessings to one and all
A bird saved my life! Yes, you read this right. A tiny bird, like the size of a wren, saved my life. On a Thursday, after work, I was running an errand. The only parking spot from the store I was shopping at was a couple of blocks down from it. After parallel parking I was walking on the sidewalk and getting ready to cross a side street…. to continue walking towards my destination. At the edge of the curb of the street was a telephone pole’s shadow crossing the end of the sidewalk along that curb..Just as I was about to cross into the shadow and step off the curb, “Chirp!”, I noticed a tiny dark “blob” move from the side of the sidewalk towards me, coming from within the pole’s shadow. I stopped and noticed it was a wren. “Chirp” exclaimed the wren. She was looking up at me. Then she took a couple of more tiny steps and flew off. “WHOOSH!” A car had just then come from the main street’s side (my left) and took a fast, hard right turn cutting into the street curb I was about to walk off of!. Then it continued speeding on down that side street.
Then the realization hit me. If I hadn’t of stopped and noticed the “shadow” and heard her “Chirp!” I wouldn’t of stopped walking and probably would have been hit by that car!
I was, as they say, God smacked!!
As I reflect on this experience I’m very grateful for my fine feathered Friend/Angel. She taught/reminded this energy worker of a couple of things:
**Being Present…Reflecting on my spiritual journey there was a time when I would’ve blown off that “Chirp!” and kept walking as usual. Who knows? Maybe then I would’ve noticed the noise of that car and stopped and looked before stepping into the street? Maybe not. All I do know, on a first hand basis, is this time I noticed the “Chirp!” and looking below me was a tiny ball of a shadow within the larger shadow. Upon hearing the second “Chirp!” it registered that it was a bird, which eventually showed to be true as she walked into the sunlight. I gradually learned about the virtues of being present after I started meditating for a while. Then I found it gradually worked it’s way into other areas of my life.
**Be Supportive:…All life emanates energy and is interconnected one way or the other. Support one another, some way and some how. You don’t need a lot of money. Smile to someone as they cross paths with you. Pausing and allowing a car into the lane, even though it’s “ahead of you and then it’ll be in front of me”.
** Be Grateful Of EVERYTHING…My tactile senses seem to be more ‘sensitive’ since that day’s “saved by a bird”experience”. I’m on full ‘alert”, but not ‘alert’ in a fear based way. I guess I mean more heightened. A little hard to describe. So forgive me if I sound like a nut case.
All of these “messages” were delivered to me on my journey. Some would say God sent the little bird to save me. Others would say the bird was an angel in disguise watching over me. And yet others would comment how we’re all interconnected–trees, air, water, sky, animals, dirt, sand, flowers, grass, wind, fire, sun, moon, stars….and we’re all designed to be responsible and watch each other’s backs and be there for one another. Without prejudice, without judging, without ignoring one another. Regardless of our daily routine of distractions. Computers, cell phones, mirrors, social media, any kind of media, that tiny voice in our heads, traffic ALL have seeped into our lives slowly but surely. Becoming preoccupied in our “own” worlds we gradually loose any connection to anything alive, thus, we stop being present.
As an energy worker I view all energy as being in different levels/ways/forms (live’s experiences) while providing me the gift (lessons) of making choices. This is discernment on a whole different level.
Do I take the red pill or blue pill?
Do I blow off that piercing “Chirp!” and (without paying attention) keep walking into a speeding car?
I’m very humbled and grateful for these past hours of reflection. And humbly, I bow down to my fine feathered friend and say, “Thank you for the lessons!!”